in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
