I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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