I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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