I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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