the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
