I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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