Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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