Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
