I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize