she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
