It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she was so not down for the gang bang
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
