1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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