Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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