It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
