Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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