I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
