Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
