My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
