Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
