she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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