Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
