bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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