On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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