Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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