I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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