Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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