meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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