I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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