Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
