You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
