I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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