Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
