For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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