I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
