You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
In America we eat man semen.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
