So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
honey bunches of taint.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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