Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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