Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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