I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
