I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
