So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Come see our sink grown plant.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
