My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
