i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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