He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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