he wants to bone in the snuggie
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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