so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
