is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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