I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
