They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
