I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
