In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
