I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize