i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
