Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
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Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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