How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
