I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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