Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way