no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
