Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
