I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
