The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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