Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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