You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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