Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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