I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
