I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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