where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize