I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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