Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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