My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
