there's paper in my vomit.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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