you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
