he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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