why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
