No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
