i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
