I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
