i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
