I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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