i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
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Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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