my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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